Like the scratch on the roof of your mouth

I make resolutions all the time

2009-12-28T08:33:33Z

These just happen to be at the end of December: REVISED AND CONDENSED!

1. Photograph.
2. Save $100/paycheck to move out.
3. Lombardi pass.
4. I am going to finish my EP by February :D

Differed perspectives will change your language

2009-12-08T21:40:09Z

Whenever I listen to this song, I want to write something really heartfelt or profound about my life, but there's really nothing to talk about. I'm doing okay. My friends are doing okay. I still have a job and my family's alright.

The subject is the thesis for my last paper of the semester. I haven't started it or anything, but that's the general idea. It's true; it makes me think I've got new perspectives to offer when I hear songs with moving lyrics, but I've got nothing.

We're still out at ten in the evening.

Am I really getting that old?

2009-11-28T06:39:30Z

I like cutting off communication from people that annoy me and baking. Winter break looks good because I will get to sleep in 5 out of 7 days a week, those two days requiring me to get up at 1. I also can catch up on some reading. I am growing my hair out in hopes of eliminating the mullet and steps. I would do some yoga, but I'm afraid I'll break my hip.

Although, what do I know? I'm so volatile, tabloid headlines are jealous.

Don't worry, I didn't get so carried away and make goals for myself or anything. Unless you count my goal to win at my bingo competition this week.

If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.

2009-11-21T00:11:01Z

I just had a very enjoyable time with Vanessa Vancour. The only sounds I can hear are the rain and Bob Dylan. My house is completely empty. I'm getting ready to go to the store to buy dinner making supplies. I got paid today. And my dinner will be enjoyed with Jesse McCloskey.

This is so very nice. Just saying.

Life is a bitch.

2009-11-16T04:30:11Z

I have been keeping a terrible, dirty secret.

It probably started a month ago; I can't quite remember. I was probably drunk, actually, I know I was drunk because only a few words were discernible. Everyone was dancing at casa de Stieb and I was having a pretty good time. The beat was catchy, I was nodding my head like "yeah," moving my hips like "yeah." Life was good.
I quickly sobered up and told myself dancing to Miley Cyrus could possibly lead to other dangerous situations like syphilis, cardiovascular disease and death, so that occurrence was not to be repeated.
Then, there I was. Halloween night. Casa de Stieb. Party in the USA comes on again. I'm less drunk this time. I'm singing a little bit. I'm moving a little more. I blame it on the fact that everyone is screaming and drowning out what is, probably, the worst song in the world.
I had to test this hypothesis. I put on Party in the USA at my work in my little sound-proof cubicle. I am listening to the lyrics of Party in the USA. The lyrics alone in this song are some of the worst I've ever heard. I decide that my hypothesis is right: Party in the USA is garbage and I can go along in my life without having to ever listen to it again unless I'm shoving my face with beer and cake in Ashley's bedroom.

..But its infectious "YeaaahHhhhh" is stuck in my head. I can't do anything about it. I find myself in the UNR library, plugging in my earbuds and going to Grooveshark to listen to Party in the USA and then quickly navigating to a Pitchfork review of Handsome Furs or the LOLCats homepage. Fuck, I even opened up a Snuggie order form to fool any passerbys. Oh, don't mind me, I'm just buying a blanket with arms. I'm certainly not listening to Party in the USA on repeat. Fuck, no. I'm totally feeding my cow on Farmville. I'm just stalking your mom on Facebook. I'm just tapping my foot and mouthing words to Roll Out, don't mind me.

This condition got too difficult to hide. I found myself blasting Party in the USA at work again, thinking "When I download it, I can just relabel it as 'Flaming Lips Rarity' or 'Mountain Goats Live at Fillmore' and no one will ever know unless they click it for some reason. Maybe I should relabel it as some made up name or something. Pass it off as an indie comedian. I work at the radio station. I can get fired for this shit. I might as well tell everyone I don't own Kid A."

But, these things happen. It's certainly not the first time I've liked something shameful. I had a crush on Frankie Muniz several years ago. That's far worse.

I guess my consolation is that I do not like any other Miley Cyrus songs, and I don't have that crush on Frankie Muniz anymore. And I kick ass in general.

YEAHhhhhHHH!

sam_shabam @ 2009-11-08T02:01:00

2009-11-08T10:05:03Z

At this point, I would totally not be opposed to working Thanksgiving.

EDIT: What up, double time? HeyHey!

String it back together

2009-10-22T20:26:06Z

Things are a lot better these days. I write this like I've gone through hell and back, but sometimes it feels as such, predominantly due to the fact that I cannot handles stress as well as I'd like to say I do. Things tend to straighten out in the end, and as long as I keep improving myself and circumstances surrounding myself, things will steadily continue to become better. Sometimes, I wish I knew where I was going with my life, but for the time being, I'm content with writing, friends, beneficial observations, enriching experiences and the little things that string my life along. I should live by what I say when I mention that people never realize how good they have it because I am one of those people. It's nice to have constant things to look forward to in a week. I like feeling like this even when my main thrill tonight is doing my radio show and my nutrition lab, probably simultaneously. Perhaps I'll bake too. I haven't spent a Thursday night at home in awhile, but I think it will prove to be beneficial. When are Halloween desserts not beneficial?

Sam DiSalvo likes this.

2009-10-22T07:31:43Z

I like that after I get home from hanging out with you, I can just sit and eat toast and think "Well, at least that's still solid."

"Now, where are the sixty things that are crumbling?"

Ah, this sweater smells so good. Got that going too. Smell good. Check that off the to do list. It's done.

Yeah, well

2009-10-11T21:18:22Z

When you win, you're going to owe someone. And when you lose, you forget how to collect.

hombre de la máquina

2009-10-04T22:56:43Z

Figures:

If it weren't for A
I, technically, wouldn't have B
And if I eliminated A
C-Z would be too vivid.
C-Z are necessary to see.
Solely A would be too hazy.
And, B. Well. Sometimes I get lucky.
Because A is nice and C-Z are fulfilling.
But, B. That's sight into depths of reality that seems like a dream.

Mechanisms-copy-over.

sam_shabam @ 2009-10-03T20:06:00

2009-10-04T03:13:22Z

Oh, Sam. When will you learn that you are half human, half machine?

sam_shabam @ 2009-09-27T00:31:00

2009-09-27T07:43:34Z

This skiing aficionado boy I'm dating and the Holiday episode of Degrassi are making winter look really desirable. These are probably the only two things that could make me actually anticipate winter

I'm also looking forward to October...because October means true autumn and Halloween, my all time favorite holiday.

People have already started asking me if I'm throwing a Halloween party. I wish I could assure that I was and start planning now, but I am missing some key details. Like a location. And money.

Here's to a house and money falling into my hands!

This could use a cut.

2009-09-20T05:29:32Z

I'm currently in my "office" at work, which is little more than storage space. It has a door and I never closed it because I felt like people would assume I was masturbating or more antisocial than my coworkers already think I am. Tonight, I was talking to someone about how their office was a lot warmer than mine and they explained it was because there was a lot of equipment that generated heat in there, and they kept the door shut most of the time. If anyone asks, I shut my door because I'm cold. This does play a part in why I close the door; it is fucking frigid in this building. But, I also have an affinity for closed small, isolated spaces that, for the time being, solely belong to me. I seek the most hidden away area in public places and temporarily burrow away from the world with my thougts, music, writing and reading. If I didn't do this, I couldn't hold sanity for as long as I do.

Perhaps this is the problem with me lately. Ironically, I also enjoy being constantly busy. This is probably because I think too much time burrowed away with myself is more likely to cause insanity and drastic over-analysis of which I experience too much. I have choked every last piece of my free time so I never have to dwell on my flaws or shortcomings and I can be free to think, since I am being productive, I am constantly contributing, and thus, not worthless. I schedule time for scheduling. I eat my breakfast while driving and talking on the phone, scheduling more meetings for things that ultimately leave me apathetic.
The check engine light comes on. I'm out of gas. My hair's too long. I could use a new sweater. Productivity equals progression. I can't afford to pass up progression. How the fuck you gon get anywhere if you ain't got no drive, kid?

I still agree with that sentiment, but, there are always going to be nights where I am left alone with myself--not particularly physically alone--but just in complete outside view of myself, realizing what my true actions and words would be if they weren't constantly stifled. Watching them bleed out of me without anything to stop it. If you've ever "just" realized what your true words and thoughts are, it takes you down from your typical pseudointellectual elitist standpoint and makes you see you still care about everything you hate that people care about. You are superficial, judgmental, not funny and a bad dancer. Well, I sure am. I could make a list of reasons why sitting around with people when everything is "fine" just makes me count the reasons why everything is NOT fine.

Which brings me back to the point that getting to know myself, even in the disgustingly over-analytical, close relationship I have with myself, is essential to improvement. I still stand by my opinion that I am doing better than I've ever been doing, but I feel like if I don't check up on my own mind every once in a while, I will just be too...human.

Since I am human, I seek out social interaction constantly. I like having my friends over. I like drinking when I'm not bleeding out my entire psyche and simultaneously vomiting. I like planning parties. I like making friends and studying new people. It's fun and feels good, just like sex. But, I have never felt better than after truly being with myself, writing or, basically, getting shit done.

Ha, being with myself. My coworkers are right. I close the door to masturbate.
It pretty much boils down to that. Give yourself the pleasure you need and the pleasure you derive from everything else will be spectacular.

Uh. You may be seated. I'll be here all week.

sam_shabam @ 2009-09-17T02:01:00

2009-09-17T09:07:10Z

I came home so I could go to sleep.
This is futile, considering I will just spend my time thinking of where I left.

Oh, hi, world. I had forgotten you were here the entire time. Have a seat; I'll let you do most of the talking and I'll just wonder where I happen to fit into your plans. Eventually, I'll slip away again, and, I'm sorry, but you'll have to excuse me. I've already forgotten what you were saying...

sam_shabam @ 2009-09-13T05:25:00

2009-09-13T12:27:18Z

This is the day I got my driver's license.
Where did the time go?

Essays don't pay the bills!

2009-09-03T00:39:48Z

this will be a good investment in the long run. good investment in the long run. investment in the long run. long run.

where are my three checks? I need new shoes.
and food.
and an SLR.
and food.
and food.
and food.

why you'd want to live here.

2009-08-25T07:48:52Z

We are really a species of emulation. Sometimes I look at everything I am and realize I am none of it; it all belonged to someone before it belonged to me and it will belong to someone else before I die. It becomes especially apparent when we take mutations in emulation to be flaws instead of perfection. The definition of perfection is based upon others' previous perfecting. It's a depressing format we feel inclined to follow. I feel like a machine programmed to imitate my peers, and when I cannot, I boil down to what I am now: myself. I wonder why being myself is so utterly painstaking. If I were you, I wouldn't have to take the blame for what I am now. We break because our image is projected onto a rejecting canvas and we cannot seem to figure out why considering we became everything we observed. Aren't we just the sneering canvas? My skin's crawling and changing again because I'm not everything I'm observing.

Can't I just be you?

You want to BE me? Why? Why the fuck would you ever want that?

Summertime Clothes: Final Edition

2009-08-22T03:54:05Z

I just had that phenomenon where I didn't want to put on a song because it would remind me of good times that were over.

This is, like, the 90th time I've said how much I will miss summer. What a fulfilling three months.

I'm just so stoked to have experienced all of this. I'm stoked to be able to have a really fun summer, as well as having matured quite a bit. And, when I say mature, I mean both having grown up and having gotten more cunning. :]
Ah, to be going to Star Trek, dining and dashing and chilling in parking garages again...
And so much more.
No summer recap this year because there are too many things to list.
Also, I could just read my Twitter updates and hope I still remember what "Hella Goodass Time" and "Hella Goodass Time Part Deux" are referring to.

Look at you, Sam. You're growing the fuck up.

:)

Few moments are better.

2009-08-18T08:29:55Z

I appreciate and admire everyone in my life the more I experience with them. I have no idea how I got so lucky.

As I drool in my oversized healthcare shirt...

2009-08-15T09:40:11Z

Summer, I will miss you.

sam_shabam @ 2009-08-07T00:07:00

2009-08-07T07:08:16Z

" I am not amused. Actually, I am amused because I am not you."

I have never summed up myself better.

Haikus and such.

2009-08-06T10:44:02Z

You are truly a phenomenal anomaly.
I have never felt this good.
Everything is going swimmingly.

That was no haiku.
But here's one for you to read.
I love Arab Strap.

Summer is ending.
I will miss everything so.
Except the broke part.

Moze is snoring loud.
I am going to bed now.
Have sweet dreams, my love.

sam_shabam @ 2009-07-31T11:39:00

2009-07-31T18:40:53Z

Please just notice how miserable my brother looks, how deliriously happy my mom looks and how legit I look with that camera. Mmm. #family

Yeah, I just mixed twitter methods with lj methods.

sam_shabam @ 2009-07-25T02:52:00

2009-07-25T09:53:31Z

I don't deserve anything I have except the constant guilt from feeling undeserving.

Summertime Clothes

2009-07-18T21:06:05Z

Sometimes, you don't even realize how cool/crazy stuff is.

The day began with me being really annoying while cleaning my room. I kept swearing and complaining for no real reason other than the fact that my room is dusty and has a lot of stuff I don't really know what to do with or want. My mom had told me she would help me, but she was avoiding me because I was being unruly. Evenutally, she got the vacuum...
WHO CARES. THIS IS CALLED "EPIC NIGHT" NOT "EPIC BORING MORNING".
So, I put on my sweet purple pants and went to Java Jungle to meet Jesse so we could go to the air guitar competition. While I was waiting for Jesse, three scene girls came and sat right next to me to discuss their plans for the night. At first, I thought they were attracted by my purple pants, but they were just invasive. They left and then Jesse came, which is a really good trade. We rode the Sierra Spirit because it's going to die soon, so we're trying to ride it as much as possible, even if it's just to see an old man hold a large staff and bow and then later get to see said old man's testicles. (I didn't get to. A sadface would look awkward with this closing parenthesis, but a :( is how I feel about this) We got off exactly where we got on, making a full loop on the Spirit, as to preserve our time on it. We went to La Bussola and talked to Phillip Brown who was really entertaining and loves Red Bull. I felt cool that Jesse knew this guy and, now, I know that guy. We later saw him in all black and a bowtie. Hot stuff. I bet he was even hotter than the old man testicles.
We headed to the air guitar competition but there was just some setting up, acoustic singing and some obvious lying going on about when this all started. Luckily, I scored a free bandana from a REAL LIVE EX MOTORCYCLIST WHO WROTE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY. I perused through the book and he told me it used strong language and I told him I could handle it. I told him I didn't have any cash or I would buy it. That was a lie. I did wear the bandana for the rest of the night though, so I looked pretty untouchable.
At this point, we decided West St. Market was too crazy for us, so we went back to Java Jungle to see if we could ~~score some scene vag~~ get a pizza. This was one of my favorite parts of the night because it involved pizza, Italian soda and good conversation, which is all I need. My voice was also getting raspier around this time because I've been sick and I was really stoked. I am actually really glad lots of people got to witness this voice, and still are.
We decided to take another shot at West St. Market and those damn air guitarists were still setting up because the equipment for an air guitarist is apparently quite strenuous. Each of those air guitars must weigh at least fifty pounds. Either way, Clark rules. He lit himself on fire. Clark rules. No one even came close. I actually knew every competitor, so I felt cool, but I mostly just felt cool that I knew Clark.
Afterward, Hott Lixx's band Lovesongs played and they reminded me of the Descendents, which means they were really good. Their guitarist looked slightly like Anthony Kiedis, which means he was was smokin' hot. And Jesse, Bobby and I danced like fiends, which means everything ruled almost as much as Clark.
Afterward, Jesse and I split the cost of a CD and made some conversation with the lead singer. We later ran into the drummer and told him he was awesome. Jesse and him are now best friends. After sitting through a really, sadly terrible band inside Se7en Teahouse that took ten years to set up, we went back out and talked with the Anthony Kiedis look-alike (Jack) about the bay area and how much Jesse and I loved him. Jack gave me a beer, but it was gross, so I gave it to Bobby. Bobby liked it. Crisis averted.
We thanked Lovesongs for being awesome and made our way to Wingfield Park where the TALKING HEADS...movie was playing. We walked in as they were playing my favorite song (This Must Be the Place) and Bobby showed us all up at dancing as usual. Once in a Lifetime came on and we decided to dance with everyone that walked by. At first, we had no takers, but eventually, us and some old women, two drunk guys and a 20 something girl danced in a circle in the middle and it was really awesome. We needed to ditch them before the final "same as it ever was" was uttered, so we made a plan to all run away when Bobby counted to three. We did. Best dance partners ever.
After that, things got slightly less epic, but Jesse and I hung out and talked and that's always pretty cool. He also got another Italian soda, which means we are customers of the day at Java Jungle for having gone there three times in six hours. We also talked about dreams (and I have one featured right after this!) and existence. Then we probably hugged.
What a cool night.
:]

EPIC DREAM:
So, a few of us went to school together, but it was a weird crowd. It was definitely high school and Lesley, Alex, Angelo and I all attended. I was in a class with Alex and he was really unruly. He and his best friend, who I did not know, would do terrible things to the teacher that I can't recall. Well, eventually, they had a chat with Alex to reprimand his behavior. I knew this talk was going on, but I was having lunch with Lesley and Angelo in some cafeteria-looking area. Eventually, Alex came out and he looked really upset. Lesley asked what was wrong and he held up a brown paper bag and said "We're gonna drink tonight." It was clear that Alex was still 21, but we all were going to high school and that was legit. He had already begun drinking and asked Lesley to join and she kept refusing. Eventually, Alex pressured her until she cried and gave in. Then Lesley came and told me how drunk Alex was getting. Alex left to get more alcohol and I looked over and some fat, blonde guy was laying out bags of coke and razor blades. It was an ungodly amount of coke, covering the entire table at which we were sitting. The room had changed from cafeteria to a dimly lit room. Angelo was talking to the guy and asking if he could do a line. He said yes and cut a huge line to which some other unnamed gentleman told him he was crazy. This unnamed gentleman cut a smaller line so that Angelo wouldn't take too much and told the drug dealer that it was "30 dots" of coke per line. The drug dealer seemed enlightened. Angelo kept looking at me like "Aren't you going to do some coke?" and my heart started beating quickly like I'd already done some. He began to do his line and said he didn't like it. I never did any, but I shook and felt like I was going to pass out the entire time. I woke up in a cool sweat. Dreams are weird.